I think, it’s safe to say, this year has not gone as expected. I don’t mean to make light of current events. I’m simply struck, by how, more so, than usual I am feeling and seeing that what I thought was the plan, was not God’s plan. At the very least, He’s going about this plan very differently than I would have. I’m sure I’m not the only one, who’s plans differed from God’s. And I’m not even referring to worldwide. But, in my little circle, things look very different than I was expecting.

Don’t laugh, but this is what I was expecting. Twenty-twenty was going to be Isabel Mae Photography’s year. This is something that I had been working on for a long time. Since college I had been slowly working on developing a small business. To say I know nothing about running a small business turned out to be a bigger understatement than I realized. But by golly, I’d made some calculated decisions towards the end of 2019 and I could feel it! Sessions were being booked and I had taken the plunge to overhaul my website and blog. I was investing in education to further and hone my photographic skills. I was excited about the opportunities!

And then. . . . I started feeling a little weird in January. Not super weird, but different somehow. I continued to work on my photography, I looked into networking with other photographers in the area. Connected with other amazing locals and found myself with new opportunities to gain more experience and learn beside other professionals. And as those pieces started falling into place and I saw God answering prayers, I realized He’d answered another prayer, just a tad sooner, than myself or my husband had been expecting. . . . funny how we use the phrase, “we’re expecting” to often describe something that just maybe we weren’t expecting at all whatsoever.

And I kind of lost track of February. All my plans to work on photography went out the door, while I processed becoming a Mother, and realized that Morning Sickness is no joke. Designing my website was hard and I found myself lacking the motivation to really strive to book sessions, because I was still struggling to figure out the platforms for how to share the finished products. And with a baby on the way, all of a sudden I found myself doubting that this was even something that I was supposed to be doing. Was this a business, a hobby or a just a complete waste of time.

And then before I could even dwell on this train of thought for very long, Corona happened. I am amazed at how God uses the hard times to continue and further His ever present and always good work. In many ways, quarantine was a blessing, for me. My heart breaks for those it has affected permanently. My husband and I are still waiting to see what exactly the repercussions for us, will be. But being able to stay home and rest as my body started to succumb to the new little life, growing inside, was nice. While I would have been happy and willing to continue working normally, I was equally happy to be able to sleep as much as my exhausted body needed. They weren’t kidding when they said growing a baby is hard work. And I took the time I needed.

And rather suddenly, some of the motivation returned. I realized it would be downright silly for me to waste all the time I had at home. There were a few hours in the day where I was conscious. I started slowly tackling a few house projects that had been pending for an embarrassingly long time. One of which was cleaning up my office space, which at the time, had been split three ways between my work desk, the dog’s crate, and extra furniture and clutter. Not so shockingly, once I could walk to my computer without tripping over anything, I felt that working on my website wasn’t quite so daunting. I let go of the false idea that I couldn’t publish it, unless it was absolutely perfect. I’m not a graphic designer and that’s okay. For now, I need to do it myself, and a running website is better than no website. I re-accepted the reality that this sort of thing takes some time, and work. It wasn’t going to happen over-night, but it wouldn’t happen at all if I never worked on it.

In many ways, once I let go of what I thought 2020 was going to look like, once I managed and reorganized my expectations, everything started to come back together. I mean, of course, it was never really apart. But God continually has to remind me that I’ve got to grow with the flow. I know it’s cheesy, but, sometimes, I get so wrapped up in how things didn’t go like I planned I compromise with fine, I’ll just go with the flow. I forget that the real calling is to grow. Grow in my faith, grow in my marriage, grow through frustration, and grow through triumph. The ever present question I need to be asking myself, is how is God using this in my life to make me more like Christ and how badly am I fighting it.

And growing takes work. Goodness I know that right now, as this little peanut inside is making her presence more known with each passing day. There are days where it’s really hard on me and on my husband. And this is before we can even hold her in our arms. And with that reminder, I know that Isabel Mae Photography will always be growing and will always take work. But if I truly believe that being a wife, mother and photographer is part of God’s calling for my life, than this is worth doing. The best work is often the hardest.

So, friends, I hope you will continue to join me on this roller-coaster that is 2020. I am still making plans, but am trying to manage my expectations. I’ve, Lord willing, got exciting things coming. So keep your eyes peeled for more pretty sessions, all of the baby photos, and the occasional sharing of my soul. We are called to grow together. I would love to hear the ways you are growing through this time. Let’s lean on each other, so we might grow more like Christ each day.